i feel beaten down

simple but unattainable.

i don't want to be bitter, angsty or sad.

the past year has been really good to me. i've grown, learnt and seen more than i've ever done. but this, this could undo e good that's been done. and i don't want that. i'm so proud of how far i've come really. i don't want to go back to that deep dark crevice that i could not find my way out of.

maybe its with this birthday, i get that last bit of courage or maybe even heartlessness that i've lacked, in quite a few places really. mms.

happy birthday me (:
and happy birthday kory! haha.

i love my friends mucho mucho (:

for the year ahead.. all i want is happiness, more travels, more good food, friends, love and my masters spot :D thank you my darlings.






missing you rachel!

i never realised how deep my roots ran till i came here. and a part of me is thankful that they run so deep and far. cos no matter what happens, i know that there's somewhere to go home to. but most importantly, i hate ungrateful people. i don't want to be one.

one and a half more years, hopefully with the last in US, and i can finally put to rest that nagging niggling worry that is constantly at the back of my mind.

which is why, again this year, and for as long as possible, my birthday wish is that that worry never comes true.

random bit of information i found today.

harvard was founded on my october 28th. a sign perhaps? hahaha.

somehow ming always knows when i'm tired and i think i can't go on, or when i'm feeling wretched and alone. she always knows. somehow. and along will come a lovely message.

but the best thing is that she's in london with me today, and sometimes, nothing can compare to physical presence.

when i think of 21st oct, oh how my heart swells (: it feels like that's actual birthday this year. haha.

hello rachel, yipeng, mel and anwar. i will miss you on my birthday ):

watching jia hao yue yuan makes me miss my ah mah so much ): sighs.

mms, wish list for birthday.

1) pink panasonic headphones from UO (not goldman sachs one thank you very much kenneth :p)
2) honokaa boy soundtrack
3) a spot for masters in e schs i'm applying
4) white 2.55
5) ikea chair -.-
6) happy birthday from you

sorry joyce i'm not much help :p hahaha, i honestly can't think of something proper.

mms, for my 22nd year in this world, all i hope to do is to be able to get the opportunity to chase my dreams. to do what i really want to do. to take the next step in making the difference i so want to make. and not fall into the monotonous cycle that i've seen so many fall into. where everything just becomes a chore and is reduced to money, status and marriage. i believe there's so much more out there to fight for. and i don't want to give up this fight yet, not yet at least. probably not till i enter the fourth decade of my life? shrugs.

here's to living your dreams, living big and living happy (:

i am an ostrich.

what i want for my birthday is really simple. all i want is for you to remember my birthday.

feeling really yucky today. laid in bed the whole day falling in and out of sleep. rest of the time was spent watching my hk drama -.-

didn't get anything done. at least i got my conflicts presentation done on thursday, and all i really have to do is my int law moot qualifiers and my masters apps essays. what a terribly exciting schedule i have -.- sian. yest & today are my rest days. tmr its work time again. sighs.

at the very least.. i get cass, stef & angie next week :D which starts off one hell of a busy and wonderful week leading up to my birthday. teehee.

eww. there goes my potential eyecandy. sighs.

the day i stop looking up at the skies above to admire the stars.
the day i stop marveling at the beauty of a sunset.
the day i stop being grateful for being where i am.
the day i stop feeling the emotions i feel.

is probably the beginning of the end.

i don't want to follow in your footsteps. i don't want to live in your shadow.

ROARSSSSSSS :p

econs A is bloody ass boring. leslie is falling asleep next to me. snorts.

its like jc econs all over again. -grumbles- and e stupid lecturer just keeps going on and on and on in the most long-winded manner ever.

mms, this is why i like law so much better. though i have to say, i've really missed econs ):

i live like a hermit in my own head.

i like the silence that independence gives me. and the self-assurance i get.

but at the same time, i wonder what would it be like now. now that i'm the way that i am. i'm a tightly shut door. that kinda scares people away i suppose. and its going to take a mighty tug to get it open. hmms.

apparently i sleep talk in japanese nowadays. snorts.

oh seriously. i'm just bubbling with annoyance and fury right now i want to bash something.

i've got a hate list all ready alr -.-

1. i hate people who are irresponsible
2. i hate people who are selfish
3. i hate people who are dirty
4. i hate people who borrow things and do not return
5. i hate people who CANNOT LISTEN TO INSTRUCTIONS (one for you, one for her. i said at least 3 times.)
6. i hate people who are leeches
7. i hate people who touch my things

ROARS.

and rather randomly, i'd like the pink panasonic huge headphones from urban outfitters for my birthday :DDDDDD

mmms. watching portugal play, reminds me of how much i've missed my baby.

blasted moot. ROARS.

i am tired of selfish people, tired of rude people and tired of dirty people. piss off already.

the bright sparks in the week ahead are the lovely lunches i have lined up. brunch on the next two saturdays with sonya :D villandry & village east. mms, looking forward to it. and then gordon ramsay's with ming on tues. yumyum.

apps are annoying. i really have no patience for all this.

kaylene and angela want to go to nyc for reading week again next year. brilliant. haha.

i wanna go back to japan alr ):






anyone wanna go barcelona with meeee?

oh i must have done something good in my past life to have such wonderful friends (:

i love all of you SO MUCH :D

i think there's nothing more wondrous than talented people. be it in the performing arts, linguistics, sports or whatever. i have a healthy dose of respect for them. same goes for people who are willing to chase their dreams, no matter how difficult or far-fetched they are. i'm proud of you sis (:

mms. odd feeling inside.

time to start a new school year.

my parents always say that its time i return to reality when i head back to school. but at the same time, i wonder if its reality for me, or an escapism heaven instead? shrugs. i'm not too sure really, haven't thought it out.

anyway, for my new school year, and my last year of school at lse.. i want it quiet and peaceful, just like last year. filled with my few closest friends, without unnecessary buggers and drama. of course i hope for more travels (: more exciting places off the beaten path. for healthy, happy and fulfilling days. and especially time with the ones who made my uni life in lse so wonderful (:

i actually don't really want to go back to london. but at the same time, i know that once i'm back there, i'll be ok. you really know where you belong when your heart aches leaving one place, but doesn't while you leave another. sad but not aching. mms.

goodbye 08-09, you were fabulous (: hello 09-10. let's make it even more wonderful!